Stuck!
by AdamiRose
Summary: Just a short bit of nonsense that I've had kicking around a few years.


**A/N: also one of my older pieces...is total nonsense.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it ... please don't sue, you'll only get my cat.**

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**Stuck!**

All was silent on the bridge of the USS Voyager as Tom Paris took a bottle out from under his console, and moved towards the Captain's chair, which was being quickly evacuated by Harry Kim.

"I'm not so sure this is a good idea, Tom." Harry said, looking around nervously.

"Relax, Harry, it'll be fine. It's only a joke, and the last time I checked she could take a joke. Or did you forget the incident on the holodeck with the squirrel and the bottle of lube?" Tom Paris asked, closing the lid of the container in his hands.

"Of course I haven't, Tom. I don't think anyone will EVER forget that one. But she is the captain, and what happens if something goes wrong?"

"Look, Harry, Tuvok helped me with the formula and I assure you that nothing will go wrong." Tom replied over his shoulder as he tucked the bottle away.

"For all of our sakes, I hope you're right." Harry said, taking his position at Ops.

Meanwhile in the mess hall, Captain Kathryn Janeway was drinking her fifth cup of coffee and reading the latest status report from engineering.

"Bridge to Janeway"

"Go ahead, Tom." Janeway said, looking up from her reading.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Captain, but you're fifteen minutes late, and Harry would really like to get to bed, if you know what I mean."

"Yes Lieutenant, I know what you mean, I'm on my way." Janeway said.

"Understood, Bridge out."

"Leaving so soon Captain?" Neelix asked as she got up and headed towards the door.

"Hi Neelix, I'm already late, and poor Harry would like to go home to Megan. They haven't been able to spend much time together since he got his promotion." Janeway said, then swigged the last bid of coffee in her cup. She stopped on her way out and filled her cup one more time, proceeded towards the bridge.

Lt. Kim was pacing the bridge when the captain arrived. "Good morning, Captain" He said, sounding nervous.

"Good morning Captain" Tom said from the Con.

"Morning everyone, Harry, You're relieved. You look beat, go get some sleep." She said, giving him a warm smile.

"Aye Captain" Harry said, practically running to the turbolift.

Tom snickered as Janeway sat down in her command chair.

"Something funny Lieutenant?" Janeway asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

"No, nothing funny captain." He said, trying to stifle a laugh.

"Good, status Report" she said.

"All systems functioning at peak efficiency." Tuvok announced from his station.

"Good, if anyone needs me, I'll be in my ready..."

"Is something wrong captain?" Tom asked innocently.

"Yeah, I'm stuck!" Janeway yelled, while trying to get up again.

"Really? I wonder how that could have happened". Tom said, all but bursting into a fit of giggles. "There must be something on your chair."

"The problem may lie in the adhesive that was applied to the seat of the chair Lieutenant. I told you that it would not be beneficial to your health to apply it so soon before the captain returned to her seat." Tuvok said, as emotionless as always. "I do however have to commend you for attempting to fix the tear in the seat cover."

"Adhesive? Tear? There was no tear, and you damn well know it!" Janeway said, trying once more in vain to get up"

" Yeah, I know, but we decided that we needed to get back at you for the squirrel incident. But don't worry about it, the glue will deactivate in 20 minutes." Tom said, trying very hard not to sound scared.

"20 Minutes! You don't understand, I had five and a half cups of  
double caffeinated coffee, and I have to pee!" Janeway screamed.

"Captain, there is an alternative to waiting for the glue to deactivate." Tuvok said in his usual Vulcan calm.

"Well what is it, I don't have all day here you know" she shouted, throwing a ltvel 10 death glare in his direction.

"No, I believe you have 20 minutes. However, it may be possible for us to attempt a forcible relocation."

"Well, get on with it already, I really have to go." She yelled, trying to squeeze her legs even together even tighter.

"Very well captain, give me your arms."

Janeway complied and was immediately yanked out of her chair, ripping the seat of her pants in the process. "You're a dead man when I get a hold of you Paris!" Janeway screamed as she made a hasty retreat to the safety and privacy of her ready room.

"Lieutenant, may I make a suggestion?" Tuvok asked.

"Yeah sure." Tom said turning very pale.

"Run, and run fast, because when she catches you, and I have no doubt that she will, she will attempt to kill you. If you can manage to hide from her long enough, she may calm down enough to where she will not attempt homicide" Tuvok said in a dead calm.

"Good idea!" He said as he dashed towards the turbolift.


End file.
